Dear Genghis,

You seem to be interested in matters military, I was just wondering what you thought about the war in Iraq?

War Monger in Ohio

Dear Warmonger,

I can only assume you refer to the jolly venture of my grandson Hulagu. Suffice to say, it is yet another example of the Mongolian people fulfilling their obligation as the worlds defilers policemen.

After the Mongolian people were attacked by Persia, we really had no choice but to attack a completely different empire altogether.

Now, you understand, this move was more popular then as opposed to today. But Hulagu did much to enrich the lives of the locals. After the Tigris river flowed with blood and ink (we destroyed the library and librarians), we made our single greatest contribution to local culture. Did you know that before we came the Abbasids had only one word for massacre? And where would Mesopotamian poetry be without their vivid description of the hellish torment they suffered at our hands?

Bluntly, we were the best thing that ever happened to that country, ending the centuries long oppressive ban on mass gang rape and superstitious insistence on limb-keeping. Yes, we brought true freedom to those people, and if you don’t like it you can move to Russia. (Which we also decimated liberated).