Dear Genghis,

I read online that due to your hundreds of wives and successful sons and brothers, you are estimated to have million of decedents.  Is that true big-daddy?

Randy in Oregon

Dear Randy
Those bitches are lying. If any one of the tens of thousands of temptresses who bundled me into the bed or onto the back of their slaughtered husbands told you that any subsequently born child was mine, they are lying. You have to understand that as a rich man, every girl who suddenly finds herself knocked up is “certain” that I’m the father. Whether they be the nuns of Khartoum; the Sabine ladies of the Khwarizmi, or one of the hundred of virgins sent to me as tribute, I assure you I have no need to “do the right thing” because those brats aren’t even mine, nor their uncounted legions of offspring. As Lord under Heaven, and master of the scepter and mace and bow, I tell you this with a straight face: I pulled out 244,000 times. I am assured that this always works. It is written in the Sutras. It is written in the Tao de Ching. It is written in the May issue of Cosmo. So it was written! So it was done!